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Ok, it’s no secret; I’m a smoker. And what I am about to say will probably get little support, but fuck it - I’m going to say it anyway. The Allegheny County Board of Commissioners is a panel of stupid dumb-heads. Not only will I explain the ban, and why they are a collective bunch of human droppings, and I’m going to outline my grassroots movement and protest plans….Read on.

The commissioners on the Allegheny County board passed almost unanimously a bill to ban smoking in all “confined open public areas”, which if you’re wondering what the oxymoron “confined open” means, it refers to bars and restaurants, office buildings, malls, etc… I can get the office buildings, and maybe even the restaurants, but bars? WTF humans? In a bar, you can become so intoxicated that you’re not legally permitted to drive home at the end of the night, but you can’t fire up a cig. Cigarettes (and even second-hand smoke for that matter) is part of the bar scene;Â it always has been. I should be able to sit down at the bar, and harm myself in at least two ways, but now I’m not allowed.

(Gentle reminder: I don’t expect a ton of support here)

Restaurants? Why the hell can’t I smoke in the restaurant? I’m paying to be there, and if the restaurant doesn’t mind if I smoke in their PRIVATELY-OWNED building, who is the county to tell I can’t? Ok, so I don’t typically smoke in restaurants, because I am typically with a non-smoker, and I don’t smoke with “those” people around, but if I ever felt like it, should I be able to?

The bottom line is “confined open” areas are typically privately owned, and the decision to allow smoking should be left to the establishment owners. And if by chance, the non-smokers don’t like that the private establishment’s allowance of smoking, then they should move on to a different “confined open” establishment. The county shouldn’t have its hands on this decision.

I also don’t do well with “No Smoking” signs outside…The non-smokers have told us to take the smoking outside…but that wasn’t enough, was it? NOooooooo. Now, we have to herded like cattle into some small area out in the parking lot, typically unsheltered from the elements, and located a few hundred meters from the door. And because this is typically at work, the non-smokers bitch and moan when we use the remote smoking location. “It’s not fair that they get to take a break when we don’t.” Well, we’re only doing what you told us to do. If we were allowed to smoke at our desks, we wouldn’t have to take breaks.

Ok, I’m not completely unsympathetic…I get the dangers of second-hand smoke, but c’mon. People treat smokers like they have leprocy. We’re people too, and we have rights…which brings me to my grassroots movement…”SWAST” or Smokers With Attitude Stand Together.

SWAST is a small (one member….me) who is going to topple the powers that be on smoking, and take back what is rightfully ours. How? Well, I’m the master at pushing the limits of the law. And I’m proposing an Allegheny County-wide day of smoker protest. We’re going to stand 16′ from the entrances to restaurants and bars and other “confined open areas” and smoke. The law won’t go into effect for 90 days…so we’re a go then…oh wait….90 days from now puts us in the middle of January…that’s not a good month in Pittsburgh for an outdoor protest. April might be better…we’ll shoot for then. Tell your friends! Get them interested! We’re going to take back our bars!