There’s no room in baseball for a blatant cheat. If you weren’t watching the coverage of the World Series, game 2 then:

• Shame on you - it’s the World Series, the Fall Classic, folks!
• You missed Fox cameras picking up a mysterious brown substance on pitcher Kenny Rogers’  hand.

It was the top of the first inning, and the FOX HD camera had a zoomed-in shot of Kenny Rogers’ face. He’s a lefty. As most pitchers have, Rogers has a ritual leading up to his wind up. Kenny adjusts his ball cap, - sometimes with ball in hand - by reaching behind his head and shifting the ballcap slightly. Fox freeze-framed this closeup just as Rogers was in the process of adjusting his cap. His palm is facing the camera with his fingers tucked into a loose fist - sort of like your hand would be if you were putting a dime into a vending machine. You can clearly see the palm of  his hand, and the base of his left thumb - his throwing hand.

in looking at the freeze-frame, you can clearly see a brown-colored substance covering the entire base of his thumb and palm. It was glossy, and if you’ve ever seen or touched the stuff, there was no doubt in your mind that it was pine tar. Hitters use pine tar to allow them to grip the bat more effectively. This is the perscribed use for pine tar on the baseball field. Pitchers will use it to get a better grip on their breaking pitches. This is illegal, and violates the “A pitcher shall possess no foreign substance” rule in the book. Pine tar is definitely foreign.

When asked about it in a postgame interview, Rogers claims the brown color was from a “clump of dirt” he didn’t notice was present. Ok, let’s say that you - my wonderful readers - are taxi drivers. You drive a car for a living. You’ve just been pulled over for running a red light, and when the officer comes to your window, he notices you have a radar detector mounted on the dashboard. Of course this is illegal in your state, so it’s gonna cost you big. Now, when asked about it, you simply reply “Of officer, I did not notice the device on my dashboard, despite having sat in this car all day, every day this year.” Should that work, particularly if the device is on, and beeping? Hell fucking no it shouldn’t. You were cheating, and the officer knows it. There’s no way a major-league pitcher would have not noticed a “clump” of dirt on his pitching hand. That hand is worth millions of dollars to him!

Back to Kenny: He lied to the cameras about it. He said it was dirt. He lied about the subject of conversation he had with the homeplate umpire before starting the second inning. According to everyone (except Rogers) the conversation included a part about whatever it was Kenny had on his hand. During his postgame interview, Rogers conveniently left that part out when asked about it. This neglects to mention that the conversation itself is rare. Umpires and players rarely ever break the normal routine of the game to discuss anything. Sometimes a catcher will BS with the homeplate ump, but rarely a starting pitcher. It was obvious what the umpire was talking about.

Finally, ESPN (Baseball Tonight) went back through the tapes of Rogers’ other postseason appearances this season, only to discover the same exact “clump of dirt” present on Rogers’ hand in exactly the same spot. How coincidental. It was present when he 5-hit shutout for 7&2/3 innings against the Yankees in the 2006 ALDS, and tossed a 2-hit shutout in 7&1/3 innings vs. Oakland in the ALCS. So we now know he’s a cheater, and given his unlikely success this 2006 season, I wonder if he’s been doing it at least all season long. I’m sure the media will find out.

Baseball has long been plagued with the cheater (and consequently the bad liar). This “clump of dirt” thing might be up there with my list of favorites. You can’t, however top Sammy Sosa’s lie after being caught with a corked bat. “It was my batting practice bat. I cork it for the fans, to give them a show.”, or Barry Bonds: “I thought it was flaxseed oil.” How clever they must feel.

Hey Kenny, why didn’t you just say that you take a big fat shit before each pitching start, and you’re not very coordinated with the toilet paper. At least it would explain the color and gloss, and would probably prevent anyone from asking followup questions. We’re not as dumb as you think we are, cheater.