I don’t know why I make them, I never keep them, and fuck me if I even try to keep them. Every year it’s the same damn resolutions: lose weight, quit smoking, give up caffeine, give the other hand a try from time to time…but none of this ever pans out. So instead of making a New Year’s resolution this year, I’m going to resolve to not make a resolution. In doing this, I’m creating a paradox, which I hope will cave the construct of space and time, destroying us all. It will be a day long remembered (if there are creatures out there which can withstand the end of the universe). So if January 2, you cease to exist on any plane, you’ll know it was the Average White Guy.