It’s funny how shit happens to me. I’ll be categorizing this post under the “Hoy Factor” section, so you’ll be able to look at other things which prove how bad my luck can be. This happened to me last Friday night on the way to the Penguins/Canadiens game. As the title leads you to believe, I’ll be appealing.

I followed a co-worker home on Friday to pick up his tickets the Penguins game. He had a family emergency and was unable to attend. I live only a couple of miles from him, so the plan was to stop for the tickets, stop at home to pick up Natalie and head down to the arena. While at home I was also going to switch cars from my Mustang to Natalie’s Aztek (as pictured here, even the color is identical to ours)

I decided I wanted to take her car, because it’s an automatic transmission, and it’s much easier to drive in post-game traffic. So we hop into the car, and we hit the stop sign at the end of our street. Make a right. Straight through the next stop sign, and head down the hill. The road pulls an almost 90 degree turn to the left, and then is relatively straight and flat for about a half mile.

I proceed to the next stop sign, look to the right (since it’s a T-shaped intersection) and proceed. It had snowed that afternoon, but the road conditions were basically wet. There wasn’t much slop or snow on the road - which will come into play in a few minutes.

We continue on for about a quarter of a mile towards the second T-shaped intersection. You can actually see it better on Google Maps, so get the visual here. We’re in a bit of a hurry; I don’t like to miss any part of a game. I “might” be going a little faster than the posted 25 MPH, but I’m sure if I am speeding at all, I’m doing less than 30 MPH. There are no cars in my lane head of me. I’m heading north (with the intersecting road to my right on the image linked above). Opposing me are a handful of cars, the first of which is signaling a left-hand turn. Coming down the hill on the right is a South Park police officer. He’s approaching the stop sign, also signaling to make a left, which would send the officer in the opposite direction from me.

Now if you can see it in the picture, there’s a little concrete island at this intersection. If you’re going right, you would follow the bend around the corner. If you’re making a left, you need to pull straight down to the sign, then turn. While i was driving past the intersection the officer was still moving. Within two seconds, he had turn right from the wrong side of the concrete island and was tailing me with his lights on.

Natalie and I immediately assumed he was pulling us over because we had some snow on the rear window. It’s now state law in Pennsylvania that you remove all snow from your entire care before taking it out on the road. Imagine my surprise when he says “I clocked you doing 40 MPH in this 25 MPH zone, and in hazardous road conditions too. You’re going to get a citation.” Since I’m a Hoy, I should have figured…

So while I’m pulled over (with my 4-ways on). The winshield wiper wipes the window clean. At that moment, he walks around to the front of the car and observes that the headlights aren’t on. He then comes back to the window and says “In Pennsylvania, it’s state law that you have your headlights on when your winshield wipers are in use.” Of course, I know this, and the Aztek’s headlamps are automatic; they’re on anytime it’s in gear. I’ll get back to this too.

The officer takes my license and registration, returns to his vehicle and writes out the citation. On this ticket, the officer states that I covered a distance of 0.038 miles in 3.3 seconds. 0.038 miles is about 200 feet. If I covered the 200 feet in 3.3 seconds, I’m going about 40 MPH. Not only do I know for a fact that I was not doing 40 MPH, I know that even if I was, he was incapable of measuring that speed, because he’s moving towards the same intersection from a perpedicular angle. MOVING. He’s driving his vehicle, getting ready to make a left turn when he decides to pull me over.

So let’s review the facts:

1. I’m not doing 40MPH
2. He’s moving while he said he “clocked” me covering 0.038 miles in 3.3 seconds.
3. The roads are (according to the officer) slush-covered, which would impede his view of the white measuring lines on the road.
4. He neglected to notice that while I was driving through his alleged speed trap, I had my headlamps on.

How in the fuck could he have the nerve to pull me over? The short answer: It was a revenue stop. I mean he pulled me over in an attempt to make his citation quota for the month. I used to think this was a myth, but busts like this one tell me otherwise.

The worst part about it is that if this guy isn’t a cop, and we’re not in this situation, I’d bust his skull for him. This was the most arrogant, pimply-faced little punk I’ve ever met. He had to be 25-26 years old, and starving whatever little authority he can get with his badge. He’s an asshole, and I’m not going to let him get away with this one.

I’ll be sending the ticket to the magistrate’s office, along with the not guilty plea, and the money for the fine and court cost. I’m sure I’ll have no problems contesting this, since the officer obviously trumped this up. Normally I’d talk a big game, but pay the fine in the long run. This time we’re talking three or four points on my license, and a hike in my already high insurance rate. I’m not going to let that happen. It’s gonna cost me a day off from work, but it’s one I’m willing to take to stick it to this asshole cop.

Read some of the other Hoy Factor stories, and you’ll see this crap happens to me a lot.