The Average White Guy

What is the opposite of ‘going green’? Whatever it is, that’s what I want to do… I’m SO tired of all this “green” bullshit. It’s the biggest scam ever entered into our society. Think about it for a little bit… This planet is 650 BA-ZILLION years old… It has survived everything ever thrown at it. It has outlasted the meteors, the dinosaurs, crippling massive volcanoes, extreme earthquakes, tsunamis, and even the teletubbies. It’s going to survive mankind, no matter what we do to it.  We’re not going to destroy the planet, make it uninhabitable for humans and other species, and we’re ABSOLUTELY NOT going to run out of energy, so spare my your scare tactics.

Am I telling you not to “Go Green”? Nope. Am I telling you that it’s wrong to be energy-conscious? Nope. What I am telling you is that this whole movement to force this shit down my throat has got to stop. This whole post was prompted by the following email (from eBay of all things): “Reduce, reuse, recycle–go green for less”. I was willing to put up with it from NBC - when they had “Green Week”, in which all shows running in prime time conveyed a message of “going green”, because NBC used “going green” for capital gain; Go NBC! I was willing to put up with it when Al Gore won his little Oscar for “An Inconvenient Truth”, because it’s an indicator that the Academy and it’s flunky voters are all ultra-liberals, which isn’t news to anybody. I have to draw a line somewhere, and like Popeye said, “I’ve had all I can stands, I can’t stands no more”.

Let’s clear a few things up:

1.  Yes, the fucking glaciers are melting. Yes they are drifting into the oceans… These facts are implicit in the definition of the word glacier. Glaciers are not solid. Glaciers are constantly (albeit slowly) drifting masses of snow and ice. It’s what they do.
2. Humans  (and Americans in particular) have very little to do with the rise and fall of the earth’s climate. It’s fluid. It’s always shifting up or down. It’s never going to level off completely. In fact (as with the definition of glaciers above) the word “climate” itself includes the word change. A climate is a long-term weather pattern, but climates do change. Take the great Sahara desert for instance. Long ago, the desert was a flourishing sea. As the climate changed, so did the environment. Perhaps at some point down the road a ways, it will be covered with water again. Since the amount of water on this planet is fixed, suffice it to say that if the Sahara becomes ocean again, it will leave some other region of the world dry like a desert.
3. We’re not running dangerously low on petroleum-based fuels. I can’t prove this, but I defy you to prove the opposite to me. Think of it like this… You’re on a car lot looking at a car you really like, but you’re on the fence about whether or not to pull the trigger and buy it… Does your salesman (in his attempt to sell you the car):
   a. Tell you it’s your decision, your money, and you shouldn’t buy it if you’re not completely sure.
   b. Tell you it might be more than you need, try this smaller, cheaper car.
   c. Tell you it’s the last one he’s got on the lot, and he’s had A LOT of interest in this particular car.
   Hopefully you said “c.”, because that’s what sales people do. In an attempt to make you pay $3.50+ per gallon for the same thing you used to pay less than $1.00 per gallon for, don’t you think they might tell you the supply is running out to justify a steeper cost? How can you argue with them? Do you have an off-shore oil rig you can use to drill down and see for yourself? Nope. You have to rely on what the oil industry is telling you, all the while you’re paying their prices.

   There is a growing number of geologists who subscribe to the abiotic oil theory. Abiotic oil is oil which was created by the planet itself, and not simply the decayed remains of plant and animal life from eons ago, called fossil fuels.  The abiotic theory dictates that the earth is constantly making oil, where as the fossile fuel theory states that there is a finite amount of oil down there, and once it’s gone… it’s gone for good.

   There is some proof of abiotic oil out there. Just off the Gulf coast of the souther U.S. is an oil reserve that was drilled dry back in the 1970’s.  It was empty when the drilling stopped, but recent surveys of the same reserve have shown that it is filling up again. Yes, that’s right… there was no oil… but now there is. Did enough animals die down there and decompose in the last 30 years to make oil again? Um…. no. I’ll let you ask the rest of the questions about abiotic oil.

4. Hybrid vehicles suck. They offer no substantial benefits to the environment. Sure, they use less fuel which does mean less exhaust emissions, but not enough to have an impact (especially while China and India [1/2 of the world’s population] aren’t selling/driving them). Also, what about the battery cells? What happens to them when you’re done with them? Disposing of other batteries are “harmful” to the environment, why would this be different? Those batteries don’t last forever.

   BTW - Your current vehicle is a hybrid… that’s why it has an alternator!

Ok, I’m just rambling, so I’m going to end here… The point is: Shut the hell up with your green messages. It’s a pointless form of sensationalism. It’s scare tactics. Our children’s children’s children will be just fucking fine. And if they find themselves in a bind, it will still be in their (human) nature to survive. This generation did. They’ll get through it.