I’ve been  having an on again, off again debate with my Uncle over the morality of the copyright laws which are enacted to protect the intellectual property rights for creative works and their owners or authors (which are hardly the same entity anymore). While I agree with him about what is legal and what is not, we rarely ever agree on what is right isn’t always legal, and what is legal isn’t always right.

He is a musician. He has composed, recorded, edited, and mastered his own works, and because of that I respect his opinion on the subject immensely. We’ve argued about how music is legally and illegally distributed. We’ve argued about who should pay royalties and why, and we’ve argued about how creative works are never really owned by the buyer. Sure, I’ll buy into that. I kind of have to; it is the law.

The most recent installment of our running debate was about how bar and restaurant owners will purchase music for their establishments and play that music aloud for their guests, or use this music for their on-hold phone music. He’s telling me (and I agree) that these places are paying royalties in addition to the cost of ownership of a disc for the right to play that music aloud, and if they’re not, they can be held liable.

I can’t argue with that; it’s the truth. I argue with this on the principle of it all. I’m essentially being told that just becaue I paid the $14.99 for an album (or even $0.99 for a single track) I don’t get to determine how I use what I paid for. I can’t play this music at a party. I can’t use it to introduce my speech to a collection of WWII veterans. I can’t do anything with it but listen to it solo (or so low) unless I pay more money for it. That’s sort of absurd, no?

Sure, if I’m charging money to hear my new compact disc, or I’ve created a pay-per-view exhibit which banks heavily on the works of someone else, I owe them something for contributing to my creative effort. Unless I do, I’m taking credit for their creative work. But on-hold music? Are you F—ING kidding me? On what planet can you show that I’m making profit from playing the likes of Neil Diamond or Captain and Tennille for an angry customer while he waits for a customer service manager. Do that to me one more time, asshole.

Ok, this is an endless debate, furthered by the claims by the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) that mp3’s and other digital forms of copying music are starving the industry. They’re losing money. Well… I suppose it’s possible that it’s easier for me to obtain a copy of an album today than it was 10 years ago. I can download full discs. I can do it all day long if I wanted to. I can zip those mp3’s up and send them to friends (by the 10’s or 100’s all at once). They can send me stuff too. Sure. Legal? Nope. Moral? Nope there too. Does it happen? Yep. Has the internet, interactive media, and compression algorithms contributed? You bet. Are these things to blame? Not even close.

When I was a kid (I couldn’t have been more than 9) I wanted a “boom box” in the worst way. I’d see the older kids walking up and down the street with a boom box on their shoulders. Hey, it was the 80’s, what can I say? Most of the earlier boxes had a cassette deck and AM/FM mounted in between two enormous speakers. Some however had dual cassette decks. This gave the average Joe the ability to record a cassette. All you needed was a blank cassette.

My first boom box (knock off, of course; we Hoy’s never had the money for the real McCoy) had the dual cassette deck. It also had a switch which sped up the cassette reels, which meant I could dub a cassette (that’s 30 minutes per side) in about 4-5 minutes. Now, this feature was OBVIOUSLY designed to enable faster copying. It was a front runner for Joe Public to the internet and digital media. It’s been around for decades. Yes, mp3’s beat all in comparison to linear magnetic tape media (cassette tapes), but the concept and desire was the same: getting music without paying for it. Was the pot stirring then? Not so much. Piracy was still criminal, but no fuss was ever raised about it.

Let’s move it forward a few years… Compact discs are now the craze. Better audio quality than the cassette, more useful in that now you can skip from one song track to the next instantly and easily, and for the record company, MUCH cheaper to produce, while costing the consumer much more to own. They capitalized on us in the late 80’s and through the 90’s. Good for them; I’m a capitalist - I get it. But by embracing the new technology… by forcing it on the public and making it the defacto standard they opened a door they couldn’t close. Not only could I copy cassettes with my tape deck, I could record a CD to a cassette. The audio was better than tape-to-tape, and I could easily skip songs I didn’t like for the ones I did. It was perfect. While I still bought my share of music, I was copying more than I had before; most people were. It was at about this point the RIAA got a little disconcerted with how things are progessing. Before the end of 1993 or 1994, cassettes were all but a thing of the past. The first Windows PC’s are hitting the market, and within a year or two Windows 95  would revolutionize computing as well as the multimedia worlds.

The PC is perhaps the most profound invention in history. While the concepts of computer wasn’t new in the late 90’s, the personal computer was still pricey, and anything but a commodity. As computers did become something you might find in most households, both the RIAA and the music fans embraced the new technology. The RIAA began granting permission for certain outlets to stream music, split albums into tracks and sell them digitally over the internet, and embraced the development of new micro devices which would eventually replace the portable CD players and cassette decks. The fans obviously bought the devices and services. They also found new ways to exploit them to copy music for little or no cost.

This discussion is similar to the discussion you can have over nuclear war. On the one hand, we brought about an abrupt and decisive end to the second World War by bombing Hiroshima and Nagasaki. On the other hand, we opened up the door to the world nuclear war. We can’t close that door. This is the same as the recording industry using techonology to its advantage, but not being able to stop the piracy which relies on that technology. In essence, their wounds are self-inflicted.

One last thing which contributes to the self-inflicted wounds of the above paragraph. Stop drowning us - the music fans - in garbage music. If your industry suffers, perhaps you ought to be looking inward about the sorts of things you produce. Your product is bad. I’m a classic rock fan. Of all the genres of music out there which have expired, classic rock enjoys the largest following of listeners. Why? Because rock bands from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s wrote timeless, priceless music. The replay value is huge, whereas boyband and rap garbage goes out of style when the street lights come on.

I suppose the industry has changed a bit, and for that we listeners have to accep the blame. It used to be that a band got popular because people liked their stuff. If a band sucked, they were buried on the charts, and were either never heard from again or figured out what they were doing wrong and tried again. Today, we’re told by the industry who we’re supposed to like. We’re inundated with the top 40 musicians on the radio, websites, and television to the point where even the remotely talented acts wear us out. That’s ok, because this week’s crop of shit is ready to take the place of last week’s. Since we listen to who we’re told to listen to when we’re told to listen them, we no longer have the power to say “This sucks.” and force everyone but the truly talented our of the game.

I’m saying right here and right now in this closing that I’m now assigning the majority of the blame for the current state of affairs in the music industry on the industry itself, and not on the piracy and copyright infringement bullshit they’ll have us believe. These frivilous lawsuits over a few lousy tunes are all actually pursued because the industry is doing everything it can to turn MORE profit. By the way…. Look at the profit figures by year for some of the leading record production companies out there, and you tell me if they’re hurting at all? Music today is integrated into EVERYTHING.

Remember when commericials on TV for say your Chevy truck had backing music that was written by and for Chevy? Remember when “Byyyyy Mennen” would get stuck in your head? Remember when ad agencies actually wrote these sorts of jingles for products? I sure as hell do. What happened? Why am I now watching Cadillac sell me cars accompanied by Led Zepplin music? It’s simple… Music is everywhere now. Earbuds everywhere, car stereos blasting, streaming media… etc… The recording industry is now enjoying record success; don’t let them fool you with their bullshit about losing money.

Well, it’s official… Bob Barker is retiring from CBS’s “The Price is Right” after 35 years. As I am only (almost) 29, I can safely say that I’ve been watching the guy all of my life. Before I was old enough for school, and in kindergarten (I was in the afternoon kindergart) I used to watch the show religiously. When I got a little bit older, I watched the show when I was sick, and for an hour I felt terrific. Now, I hardly ever catch the show, and I suppose it doesn’t matter; Bob Barker was the show. I’ll never get to watch it again.

It won’t matter who they get to replace the old host, Bob; they’ll never live up to his legacy. If you think I’m just talking about the “on-stage” legacy…you’re wrong! Not only was bob charismatic on screen… he was also a HELL of a womanizer. Ask any of the numerous “Barker Babes” (prize models) who files law suits against him for discrimination and or harrassment. Unless the new host is Bill Clinton they’ll never be able to match Bob as a sexual deviant.

Sure, Bob wasn’t the greatest guy to work for according to the girls, but ask any of the thousands of animals Bob has advocated for over the years. At least once a week - probably more often than that - Bob would bring a little kitten or puppy out and sell the crowd on adopting the little guy or girl. He’d also remind you to spay or neuter your pets to keep the population of the shelters down. He loves animals.

Until his death in October, 2003 (cancer I think) Rod Roddy co-hosted the show with Bob. Barker would ask for the next contestant to take a spot on “contestant’s row”, and Roddy would call out a name and “Come on down! You’re the next contestant on ‘The Price is Right’!” He would also explain the details about a particular product - hell, that’s what the show really was, an hour-long commercial for stuff! I sorta fell of the bandwagon after Roddy died. I’m not saying that Rod was the reason I watched, but the chemistry wasn’t there anymore, and although you never saw him for more than 30 seconds per show, his presence was massive. Once he was gone, it was never the same for me.

Well Bob, I hope the rest of your life is as enjoyable has you have helped mine to be for these 29 years. May your days be filled with super-hot young chicks - who you will discard at a certain age in exchange for a sexual harrassment suit. And remember, get close, but don’t go over…

A guitar tablature is a type of notated music for the guitarist. The following is a sample tablature:

E|------------------------------------------
B|------------------------------------------
G|------------------------------------------
D|------------------------------------------
A|--------------2---4--5-------------------
E|------0---4------------------------------

The text-based diagram above represents the six strings on a guitar (EADGBE), and the numbers tell you which fret to play and in what sequence. Unlike sheet music, a tablature doesn’t accurately denote tempo, rhythm, types of notes, or types of rests (or rests at all), among other things. It’s simply a visual guide for a guitarist. One would have no hope of recreating the song from the tablature unless he or she is intimately familiar with the song to begin with, whereas a trained musician with sheet music could play the song in short time.

I suppose the relative unimportance of guitar tabs however is still a bit much for the music industry (RIAA) to bear. For about two years now, I’ve heard of some of the more well-known tablature websites being shut down for copyright infringment and violation of the Intellectual Property laws. The RIAA apparently believes that by-ear transcriptions are no different than copying an MP3 file. It’s absolute bullshit.

What I don’t gather is how an association or group of musicians and executives can alienate fans the way they do. Forget about the IP laws and copyrights. What might possess a person with a guitar to load up the tablature for a song and learn to play? Could it be because they’re fans of the music they’re struggling to learn? Could it be that they like the musician who’s blistering guitar solo is tabbed? Let me tell  you from experience…OF COURSE IT IS.

The RIAA seems to not like the very same people who buy the music they sell. They’ll find any excuse to pull music fans into court, shut down websites, or make PSA’s. They abuse the laws governing their domain, and I’m tired to death of it. While I’m not going to tell you that music is free, and shouldn’t be bought or sold… I am going to tell you that there has to be a limit to how far the RIAA can go.

If we let the RIAA (or MPAA) hide behind the shields of IP and copyright, it wouldn’t be long before they find a way to sue you for playing your music loud enough for others to hear. They could sue people walking by my house listening to my music, because they didn’t pay for it. Also, you could be sued for singing aloud, since you’re essentially recreating a song without permission.

I was just filled in today on what the OBX sticker means. I’d seen them everywhere (in the eastern USA). If you look at the sticker to the left,  you’ll notice that OBX means “Outer Banks, Nort Carolina”. You’d get one of these for your car’s read window on a trip to the Outer Banks.

People do sport these stickers proudly. They place them on vehicles where you’d never see a bumper sticker except this one. They sport these stickers like they’re badges of honor. But readers…WHAT THE FUCK?

Visiting the Outer Banks of North Carolina requires nothing more than a car. I could leave my office here (Cranberry, PA) at the 5:04pm it is right now, and be in the Outer Banks before 12:00am. I’ve been there a few times in fact. it’s a very lovely place to vacation, please don’t misunderstand that. I’d go there right now if I could. But to stick a sticker on my car to celebrate this momentus occasion, as it were some sort of spiritual rite of passage? No fuckin’ way people.

I’ve created for  you all a few similar stickers (which I could even sell to you if you’re interested) which celebrate the honor of feats accomplished comparable to making it to what is apparently the second holy land, the Outer Banks. Check these out:

This is the “Went to Work” sticker. You could potentially get it after a whole day on the job…just one day on the job.

This one of course is the “Read a Book” sticker. Your 7-year-old would sport this after reading the “Green Eggs & Ham” Dr. Suess book.

Finally, my favorite. The “Took a Shit” badge of honor.

Yes folks driving to the Outer Banks (from anywhere East of the Mississippi River) is about as much of an accomplishment as either of these three accomplisments. In fact, some people actually live on the Outer Banks… Yep, I said that. You can quote me too.

Americans have dropped the bar so low that we’ll actually put stickers on our cars to show others how proud we are of ourselves because we drove to a beach. I guess that’s all life amounts to when you can graduate from college without knowing how to read. Holy shit…now THAT’s an accomplishment GWR “Graduated Without Reading”!